Recently, I was at a gathering where A was telling B that I'm a good cook. The reply we got from B, although not surprising as I've heard it many times from other people is, "Of course lah. Not surprising. Look at her."
Why? Why look at me? Why does my physical appearance determines my ability to cook? Believe me, this is not my first time hearing this.
Yes, I'm overweight.
Yes, I love food.
Thanks to these people, we apparently have these two factors to determine a persons' ability to be good at cooking.
I have been overweight ever since I was in primary school. My weight has increased and decreased over the time. Very rarely, I succeed in losing weight. Even when my will was at 200%, I have only managed to lose a few KGs as it is really hard for me to lose weight. Now, you might think it's probably because I'm not an active person. Believe me, I was an active person until a year ago and my weight is the same a year ago, and now.
Do people think I like being overweight?
When I was in standard 3, my Bahasa Melayu teacher use to always reprimand me in front of the whole class. We had those blue and really strong wooden chairs in class. I had this habit of bending the chair forward as I'm sitting on it while leaning on the table. She would shout from the front of the class "Safina, patah kerusi tu nanti. Awak tu gemuk. Ingat sikit. [Safina, the chair will break. You're fat. Remember that]" and then enjoy a good laugh with the rest of the class. I was 9 years old and at around 36 KG. She just wanted to make a good joke out of a fat person.
There was even a closely related person that belittled my weight throughout my life, calling me "fat" many times. Until one day, when I shouted at the person for all the words of torture, and that person said "It's just a joke." A joke? Really? I had it enough from outsiders, I didn't need this stupid joke from a close member.
When I was studying in Matriculation, I had a crush on my classmate. One day, we were all walking back to our dorms after the last class of the evening. I was looking at the amount of queue at the cafeteria nearby (I was famished) that I didn't look left and right before crossing the road. A girlfriend next to me realized and pulled my hand before a motorbike passed by and said "Safina, be careful!". My crush was among those walking with us and he said, "Ala relax la. Kalau dia kena langgar dengan kereta pun, takde apa jadi. Dia kan gemuk. [Oh chill. Even if a car hit her, she would've survived. She's fat.]". Thanks to him, I didn't have my dinner, cried all night to the point where my roommates called my best friend to talk to me, and I got depressed for the next 2 weeks.
These are just three of the hundreds of examples of how I got belittled due to my weight. I have only started being a good cook around one and a half years ago. It was when I was living in Spain and wanted to save up to travel around Europe as food outside were really expensive. If being a good cook is the reason I'm fat, why was I fat all those years before that?
Recently, I started taking hormone medications. Apparently, I have been having an imbalanced hormone since I was 10 years old. A hard time losing weight is one of the consequences. Only my closest family and friends know about this. My doctor's weight loss goal for me is only 5 KG in the next 6 months. Can you see how little she aims for me due to my hormone issue?
My point here is, being concerned for me due to health issue is understandable. My friends say I'm pretty. My bf says I'm the most beautiful woman he knows and I truly know he means it. He never understands when I go on a diet. Due to these, I am currently on a diet to actually make myself feel even more pretty and be happier.
So, then, why are people just so harsh? Why is it, that in 2018, people are still belittling fat people? Making mean jokes? Calling us names? Saying we're good at tug of war because we're fat? Throwing stones at me because I'm fat? If you're concerned about my health, you sit down and talk to me nicely. Belittling me just makes me want to find solace in food. If you're not concerned for my health, good luck in hell.
Stop this stereotypes. I'm a good cook because I love cooking. I find happiness in it.
Not because I'm fat.
P.s the next time someone gives me this kind of comment again, you're going to feel my wrath! Safina's no longer smiling it away!
Have a great day and enjoy the pictures of some of my master pieces ;)